A Breath of Belief

10.29.10

A Breath of Belief

Last night I spoke with a close friend.  

This brother has traveled many miles with me, a few years ago in my life.  He saw the "raw" Rob.  The brilliantly untamed high D, moderate I personality I was born with.  He saw the crazy, carefree Rob, full of life and joy.  He saw the entrepreneurial Rob, overflowing with ideas, strategies, and tenacity to succeed.  He saw the ferocious fire in my eye, unresolved and focused on the goals.

This brother has first hand experienced my vision, discernment, then activity of taking bold moves to achieve what I set out to accomplish.

This brother marched back to back with me, 15 years ago for a solid 6 year season... sharing ideas, dreams, concepts, excitement, stories, thrills, failures, .... all of it.

He has seen much of which I've tried so hard to passify in the most recent years.

I ask myself, WHY have I tried to stuff who I "use to be" down deep into the abyss?  

Is it because I have responsibilities now in my life, and "full throttle" living is irresponsible?

Is it because I grew tired of living genuinely "On Fire?" and find it more sustaining to live predictably?

Is it because somewhere along the line I forced my thought patterns to a more practical plan?

Or maybe it wasn't nearly all that strategic...?

... is it because I fell asleep at the wheel of my life, and have floated from defaults to defaults, simply thinking this is what success is suppose to be?...

Ugh.

Regardless of HOW/WHY I have found myself in the place of conflicted complacency, the reality is I've now identified that I no longer wish to stay here.  

I look at my close friend, my brother, my comrade... and I see him chasing (and CATCHING) dreams.  

I respect him, greatly for what he's accomplished.  Sure, there may be a few things I'd have done differently... but by in large... he is STILL chasing the dream.  And he's doing it!

Every time we speak (sometimes 6 months go by between phone calls) it's like we pick up right where we left off.  Reminisce about old stories of years gone past... dream about what the future will hold.  

My friend inspires me, most likely, because he really KNOWS ME.  He knows the "Rob" before life through water on my fiery parade.  He know the "Rob" before I put thousands of pounds of responsibility on my own shoulders.  He knows the "Rob" before the trade off between dream and default was made.  

He knows the "Rob" that is desperately trying to resurface for air.

For now, I'll take a hit off my brother's oxygen tank... even if it is 6 months between.